This is one of the most exciting political periods in our time. Many Americans have found within themselves a renewed interest in politics, and it's got me thinking about the recent candidates in terms of programming languages. So, in no particular order…

Hillary Clinton is Javascript.

Before I offend anyone that thinks I'm relegating her to a small and insignificant language, think about Javascript. It's loosely based off of a programming monster, Java (aka Bill Clinton). It's the heart and soul of a lot of stuff you see on the web today, like AJAX or JQuery. A lot of those fancy things you love about sites like Flickr or Facebook are filled with Javascript. And, just like Javascript, she's got the backing of a lot of big players and the pedigree of a respected and well-tested precursor.
Mitt Romney is .NET
Romney is one of the more well-funded candidates on the campaign trail. Like Romney, deep-pocketed Microsoft's .NET languages have features that are admired by many, but its colleagues seem to be growing tired of its rhetoric, and often team up against it much like the candidates at the New Hampshire debates teamed up against Romney. It's losing ground to open-source, grass roots languages like PHP and Ruby on Rails, but .NET still holds significance to many people.
Mike Huckabee is PHP.
If only for the reason that Huckabee has Chuck Norris as his biggest 'Hollywood' supporter, Huckabee is the tough and no-nonsense PHP. Like its conservative counterpart, PHP is known for providing a solid set of tools and having a vocal group of ardent supporters. It's relatively extendable, easy to like, and performs well in public–just look at Facebook for PHP in action.
Fred Thompson is Flash.
If Flash had a counterpart in the political realm, it would be one-time senator and part-time actor, Fred Thompson. Granted, Mr. Thompson himself isn't all that flashy, but Hollywood is. And you can compare Flash's ActionScript with Thompson's turn in 'action thrillers' like Die Hard 2 and The Hunt for Red October. Like Flash, Thompson has his niche, and even though he didn't win the race, he is still useful and interesting nonetheless.
John McCain is Perl.
Perl is your dad's pocket knife that's been handed down for a few generations. It's seen a lot, been in a few scrapes, and is always better for the wear. Perl as McCain is old and slowly losing its effectiveness, but provides those who know how to use it a vast amount of influence and power. Aging well, it shows that no matter who or what steps forward as a new leader, Perl will always be around as a stalwart alternative.
Barak Obama is Ruby on Rails.
If you've been programming for anytime at all, you've heard about the Rails framework. And whether you wanted to or not, you've noticed Barak Obama as well. Obama's splash came at the 2004 Democratic National Convention, when the relative newcomer burst onto the scene as the keynote speaker, enamoring a section of voters that had become tired of the typical political monotony. Rails, too, was announced in 2004, and has quickly emerged as a leading contender because of its ease of use, youthful loyal following, and ability to combine old programming styles with newer streamlined methods. Who doesn't like the apps from 37signals, which are done with RoR?
Rudy Giuliani is Visual Basic.
What is Giuliani–a conservative Democrat or liberal Republican? What is Visual Basic? A Windows-based application language or an internet VBScript language? I've always had a fondness for Basic, since it was my first programming language, and Visual Basic was always intriguing to me because I could easily build usable Windows apps. In a similar way, most of the nation developed a fondness for Giuliani during the immediate aftermath of 9/11, and he's hoping they still love him when he decides to run for an office again.
Dennis Kucinich is Smalltalk.
Look, I don't know anything about Smalltalk, but this joke just writes itself.